LOOK CLOSER
CLOSER STILL
˥OOʞ Ɔ˥OSƎɹ
Ɔ˥OSƎɹ S┴I˥˥

email me : lina@lookclosercloserstill.today
"VISITING" OUT JANUARY 22 2021
it's a call to make
a story
you can fake it

throw a fit
a little kid
is nothing but a dancer
i plucked a new petal i have nothing to pay
it's not like you have something better to say

i'm gone off
just conjecture
yes i know it's a fucking lecture
what was it like
when you first learned what it was like to want ?
so where were you ?
and tell me about that little backwards “s” you use to spell your name
just a little backwoods kid who never got to play
i like your new haircut
was it something i said ?
soft like hollow bread
with nothing inside my head
so fill me up with lead and
toss me over the bridge
i can sink and i’ll be whole again
you tried to plan ahead of time
but there was… something...there
and you got stuck in line
---------12/11
adapt freely
or do not adapt at all


est. 1993
PROLIFIC HABITS ARE JUST ANOTHER WAY TO KEEP YOURSELF FROM CRAVING STABILITY
MUSIC IS NOT POISON BUT SOMETIMES WE END UP KILLING OUR FRIENDS SPIRITS ANYWAY
THE CARROT IS NOT AN IDEAL SANDWICH INGREDIENT
FIND YOUR LOVE POWER, WHATEVER THAT MEANS
I DON'T LIKE SURPRISES
BUT YOU COULD PROBABLY SURMISE THIS

what do you
expect me
to put here
my old friend from high school leans over to ask "were we always this different?"
and i am pleasantly surprised by her observation

falling out of love
it happens every
t i m e
make a joke about being free
i can
s e e
put me on the beach
where i am small
i am a
know
i t
all
staring facebook statuses/spongelike/so get out of the way/it's a house but you can't stay

ADAPT FREELY
OR DO NOT ADAPT
AT ALL


[…] “and i know in that mania that transpires between us there’s more than we’ve ever said , maybe more than what could be said , but i thought i’d start somewhere , and anyway , it was a cool ring .”
i had a dream about my friend pam who's dead
i was covered in hives
and i never get hives
sitting (no feeling)
walking (some feeling)
driving (in which i take on the world)
watching (distraction)
reading (better distraction)
sleeping (i have won)
i dont want to feel like i’m asking for too much
but what i want right now is to have a room of my own
where i can listen to my boone girls 45
and set up all my soakies toys
and choose to not have curtains so the sun pours in in the morning and i have to put a shirt on my face to block out the light
i want to go to the gay beach and not wear a top and see everyone around me having a body and not caring or gawking at other peoples bodies
but i’d probably go to the gay beach in the early evening
when the air is still warm enough to swim
but there aren’t that many people there
i really miss going to the movies but i’m not fixating on it right now because what i’m fixating on instead is the fact that i want to kiss most if not all of my friends
or not even kiss them per say
but feel like i can drape my whole body on them and we can hold each other
and it’s no
big
deal
i wonder if i am ever gonna get
my shit together
yeah i have wondered too
you communicated a green to someone
but it turned around
and it looks blue to you now
you communicated a need to the only one
and they just threw you a dirty look
and told you to stop sucking on yr top lip
i guess if i wanted to play it safe
my feet would take me for a spin
but i dont know
all my socks are way too stylish
to even be seen by
the fog
and the rain is really
messing with my attachment style
lately
sometimes i wish i had an older brother
so that maybe i would have gotten
some mud squished into my face
not of my own volition
but no
i had to be responsible
for all my own
mischief
and i remember
falling out of a tree alone
and tasting the dirt
and the blood
and thinking about how boring it was
but i cried
yeah i guess i used to cry a lot
did you see it as it was happening ?
when they were hurting you
did you notice in the moment
or did you not realize it
until much later
i wrap myself in linen
and cancel all my appointments
i try to channel my pain
and force it into cubby holes
it does not belong in
or even want to be in
but it begs me to pay attention to it
to maybe bring it to tea with me
and cut it a slice of cake


